Bones and Stardust

It has taken me so long to build a home of bones and stardust. And even now I feel like those flowers growing on the sides of highways. Yellows and purples misplaced and unapologetic. They simply bloom where they are planted- that is an ache I know all too well. I have planted seeds along my flesh and hoped the vines would creep around my ribs and snake their way into my heart. I have always wished to be my own home. My roots never found their way into their soil but they have always been shy of the light. Wall (1 of 1)I am those flowers that you pass along the busy interstates that carry you from one place to the other without stop. Without thought. A beautiful moment left for “another time” or perhaps “another place” or “another day.” Are they flowers or are they simply weeds with blessed with some good fortune? There is inconvenience in their beauty, admiration  from afar- comfortable. Stable. “I will not stop for you because you may not be what I wanted to pick. Your petals are not blooming from the soil I would have chosen for myself.  Your obscurity makes you dangerous and I do not choose to cross your path.” Because a home is meant to be lived in, not observed or carried like a shell along your skin. These bones have seen the best of me and the worst of me, too. I am a home among  a desert plane or a busy highway. I am a weed who chooses to see herself as a gift.Ledge (1 of 1)nip (1 of 1)meow (1 of 1)Wall2 (1 of 1) wallagain (1 of 1)-2Wall (1 of 1)-2Shirt:: Urban Outfitters// Scarf:: Nordstrom// Skirt:: Forgotten Feather// Shoes:: Target
jumpinjumpin (1 of 1) All photos by Cory Russel.

Manifesting Stillness

I have been learning to slow down. Or trying to. I have been trying to find time for stillness. For silence. For steadiness. I am learning to find a mirrors in others, to find how my impatience is a reminder to love the parts of myself that still have to be polished like a precious crystal. I have been trying to take some time to honor the parts of me that are so frustrating and fast and unwilling to be spoken with. I am trying to find time to listen to myself when I get frustrated or anxious or sad with people or myself.FJ5A6499_resize (3)I have spent some time the past couple of nights honoring myself. I’ve taken a bath, facetimed with friends, done yoga, relaxed and watched movies. I’ve incorporated some simple rituals into this – namely this one from The Numinous. I’ve typed some words and I’ve had some breakthroughs simply because I have given myself enough space from what I feel and what is expected. I am trying to take my hands off the wheel to believe in the easiest way possible. I am learning and harnessing the powers I have as a manifester and I am using them to create. But I am learning to listen to the moments between the breakthroughs and love all the inconsistencies about them that make me so frustrated. I am writing love poems to myself on a typewriter only to mess it up because I have so many words all at once that I cannot slow down my hands fast enough to stop. I am forgiving myself for never stopping but I am learning to find a happy medium anyway. FJ5A6465resizeFJ5A6511 (1)FJ5A6510_resize2All photos by my beautiful friend Bree Burchfield.love poemToday’s words on my beautiful typewriter. I am slowing down.