When Anxiety Gets Ahold of You

IMG_8732When things get hard, buy yourself flowers. Make yourself some tea. Read poetry. Write bad poetry and then write poetry that’s even worse than that- you have to start somewhere so just start. Write beautiful poetry about love. Write a poem on a napkin about someone who hurt you and then tear it up and throw it out. Wear something that makes you feel like stardust. Wear nothing but your skin. Sleep in late or wake up early and spend some time under the rising or setting sun. Tell someone you’re hurting. Ask them for their help. Breathe deeply- five in and five out. Take a photo that reminds you how beautiful you are. Take a bath. Go to therapy. Park your car at the top of your parking garage, open all the windows, blast your favorite album and dance until you can’t feel your legs. Go out. Spend some time in a coffee shop with a good book. Go over to a friends house and watch a bad movie- make funny comments the whole time. Buy a journal and cover every page with your worries- go over them and paint them into something else. Let them live there.

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Feel your feelings and don’t say sorry.

Saturdazae::: Bloody Maria’s and Metallics

I’M BACK IN THE SOUTH! I spent ten days in California and it was chill! I got back on Thursday at 4am. We flew into Charlotte-  where we found my sister’s car battery dead, thanks to me leaving a light on. That’s the second car battery I’ve killed in the past month. What even…The rest of Thursday was spent in a haze. It feels like today’s the first day that I am starting to feel like I’m back to a good internal clock.IMG_8506

Anyway, I’m glad it’s finally my favorite day of the week! Saturday is my absolute, guilt free lazy day. It’s my day to not do anything I don’t want to do and I absolutely love it. I love staying up really late and sleeping in on Saturday’s, or going to Soda City, Columbia’s farmers weekly market, if I actually wake up. Yesterday was spent staying up until 6am watching Bob’s Burgers and sleeping until 1pm today. Scorpio Moon, ya’ll. But I don’t have any plans and I don’t feel guilty about it!  I got lunch and drank a Bloody Maria and I’m currently sitting on my porch with no pants so I am content. IMG_8514I watched “Addams Family Values” for the first tim all the way through “as an adult” last night and oh my god. I get it. If you’ve ever wondered what it’s like to be an Israeli, Mexican witch living in Columbia, South Carolina- it’s like that. Also, as someone who had to go to outdoor summer camp for over a decade and hated it- I feel for Wednesday and Pugsly. Going into 7th grade, my parents sent me to a Jewish sleepaway camp for a month. I had never been to sleepaway camp and I already considered myself a witch- I did not want to go. I cried every day for a week straight.

Camp was the worst and suburban normies are (usually) the worst too! There’s nothing fun or important about failing to use your voice and be your own person, and judging people for this, and for not falling into your realm of comfort, is lame. Anyway, I loved the movie and am once again, reminded how Morticia Addams is probably the best fictional character ever and that she is severely underrated. Goals, am I right. IMG_8518 IMG_8519 Bodysuit:: American Apparel// Shoes:: Vagabond// Bag: Zara// Bolo, skirt, jacket:: VintageIMG_8520I hope you all have Saturday’s spent with people you love, dancing or relaxing!
XOXO,
Gabriela

MAY IN REVIEW

May was a whirlwind-  I can’t even believe it’s almost over. I graduated college, bummed around and balanced my time between being productive and being lazy, eating ice cream and taking it easy.May in Columbia is the best because it’s not sticky and overwhelmingly hot- it’s bearable and for the most part actually enjoyable, and once school’s out, the city slows down. Southern summers aren’t so bad.

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I’ve been spending a lot of time on rooftops with my twin  Alexandra, who captured me in the photo above. But that’s not all I’ve been up to!

Here’s what I’ve been doing/ listening to/ watching this past month. Enjoy.

The Accessory:: Root Vegetable Head Scarf

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I got this scarf at Hip Wa Zee for $2 and almost puked! It has the sweetest root veggies on it- aka BEETS- aka the greatest vegetable there is. They’re the prettiest color, stain everything and taste like dirt- I get it. I paired the scarf with the heels I got for graduation, my favorite Topshop jeans, and a tank top and sunnies from Urban Outfitters. I wanted to keep the silhouettes of this look sleek to make sure the scarf popped. Red lipstick seemed like a natural choice.

The Cemetery:: Elmwood

IMG_6850I know a lot of people have a very hard time hanging out or visiting cemeteries, but for me they’re a place of peace, of reflection, of love and remembrance and honor. I’ve been spending sunny afternoons in Elmwood  Cemetery, with some tarot cards, my Book of Shadows, the song of the crows and sometimes some friends. Elmwood is huge- it’s 169 acres and was established in 1854. I’ve been to Elmwood alone plenty of times and have never been bothered- it’s peaceful, safe and a sanctuary that I never anticipated finding in Columbia. IMG_6628My beautitful, long lost triplet Amanda came to visit me from Charleston and we spent our afternoon basking under the sun. We read tarot and talked and laughed with Amelia of The Midheaven and Ivory of Forgotten Feather in what we realized is our newly formed coven- each of our astrological signs represent a different element, and our names even spell GAIA. Goddess Squad!

The Soundtrack:: True Widow

True Widow popped up on my Spotify Discover Weekly Playlist a couple weeks ago, and it’s probably the best thing to happen to me in a long, long time. True Widow is the dark, stoner rock I never knew I needed. I love having new music to dive into, especially if there are three albums worth of tunes to learn.

You know how sometimes you find music that sounds like the feelings you’re having?True Widow’s self-titled album does that for me- especially Flat Black. It makes me feel like I’m in some weird movie, and I love it. It’s a an auditory manifestation of all the feelings I’m feeling, and that’s pretty magical. 

 

The View:: The Quarry

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“The Quarry” is a magical place, somewhere deep in the woods of Columbia, South Caroline, where a (clay?) mine once was. And as horrible as this place is for Mama Earth, I can’t hep but admire the otherworldly beauty that it holds. I’ve only been here a couple of times, but each one has been special and magical, peaceful and relaxing- and slightly familiar. The vivid reds, lavenders and cerulean blues are overwhelming., as are the cliffs and acres of trees that surround the two biggest pools of water. It is truly incredible.

One of  my most unfounded childhood fears was my fear of quicksand- as if after a California rain, the sand at the playground would consume me whole. Thankfully I’ve never had to deal with this fear- until I was at the quarry and sunk hip deep into quicksand. Thankfully I knew that I wouldn’t go much farther, and that if you keep still it doesn’t keep pulling you down. After freaking out for a second, I regained my composure and pulled myself out- shoes and all.  Godspeed! IMG_6505IMG_6576You have to park and then wander to get to the quarry, and thankfully this is right where I parked my car. I’ve been watching Donnie Darko repeatedly over the past few weeks (see below) and this clearing with this couch and sick television is as close as I will get to having the field Donnie hangs out in.

The Movie:: Donnie DarkoIMG_6802

When I was 17 I was told to watch Donnie Darko– three times in a row if I could- and I did and I’ve been watching it obsessively since. The movie follows Donnie Darko, a suburban teenage boy, played by Jake Gyllenhaal, who has to save the world from its end when a parallel universe occurs.IMG_6822

I always forget I have this movie on DVD, probably on purpose subconsciously, because once I remember I won’t watch anything else. I’ve watched Donnie Darko every day this past week with no regrets. I recently realized it’s my favorite movie- the only one I can watch over and over without getting sick of it. It always manages to put me in a weird mood. So if you haven’t watched it, don’t tell me that and watch it. And if you have watched it- watch it again. You’re welcome.

The Twilight Zone Episode:: Eye of the BeholderIMG_6629

Donnie Darko may be my favorite movie, but The Twilight Zone is easily my favorite show. One of the most amazing things about this show is the values and lessons it teaches- over 50 years later and the episodes are still relevant. Case in point- “Eye of the Beholder”, an episode that examines what it means to be beautiful- and why it’s all objective anyway. If you haven’t seen this famous episode, watch it! It rings especially true during a time when all politics seem to focus on is what separates us from one another.

Bones and Stardust

It has taken me so long to build a home of bones and stardust. And even now I feel like those flowers growing on the sides of highways. Yellows and purples misplaced and unapologetic. They simply bloom where they are planted- that is an ache I know all too well. I have planted seeds along my flesh and hoped the vines would creep around my ribs and snake their way into my heart. I have always wished to be my own home. My roots never found their way into their soil but they have always been shy of the light. Wall (1 of 1)I am those flowers that you pass along the busy interstates that carry you from one place to the other without stop. Without thought. A beautiful moment left for “another time” or perhaps “another place” or “another day.” Are they flowers or are they simply weeds with blessed with some good fortune? There is inconvenience in their beauty, admiration  from afar- comfortable. Stable. “I will not stop for you because you may not be what I wanted to pick. Your petals are not blooming from the soil I would have chosen for myself.  Your obscurity makes you dangerous and I do not choose to cross your path.” Because a home is meant to be lived in, not observed or carried like a shell along your skin. These bones have seen the best of me and the worst of me, too. I am a home among  a desert plane or a busy highway. I am a weed who chooses to see herself as a gift.Ledge (1 of 1)nip (1 of 1)meow (1 of 1)Wall2 (1 of 1) wallagain (1 of 1)-2Wall (1 of 1)-2Shirt:: Urban Outfitters// Scarf:: Nordstrom// Skirt:: Forgotten Feather// Shoes:: Target
jumpinjumpin (1 of 1) All photos by Cory Russel.

An Ode

An ode to exploring. An ode to creating. An ode to the little things like warm days and to listening to the rainfall and painting what you hear. An ode to situations that you made the best of and the people you’ve met along the way. An ode to vintage shops and high waisted shorts, bananas and friends that think the same. An ode to yoga, an ode to ballet, a sonnet to poetry and words loved and laid down again.  An ode to college, an ode to Bree, an ode to the these photos she took of me!

_MG_1730Any day I can get brunch and model with Bree is a good day. Yesterday was absolutely lovely outside, the sun was warm on my skin and there was the softest breeze. It wasn’t too hot, it wasn’t cold and I didn’t even have to wear my sweater. Taking these photos was the ultimate celebration of freedom- that I’m done with college! The fact that one of my favorite people took them makes it even better. My time at The Univesity of South Carolina has had its ups and downs, but I’m so thankful for the years I’ve spent here. I’ll go into more detail about my experiences a bit later, but for now I’m excited to share these photos. _MG_1793_MG_1812This is also my ~official~ contributor photo for Nylon!  Check it out! _MG_1781Shirt and sunglasses:: Urban Outfitters/ Shorts:: Hip Wa Zee/ Boots:: H&M/ Bandana:: Vintage_MG_1847_2All photos by my amazing friend Bree Burchfield.

Here’s to what’s next.

Banishing the Creeps with Little Whip

I’m small. I’m 5’6 and 110 pounds with a big attitude and even bigger eyes. I see things and I notice things and even though I may not seem like I’m always aware of my surroundings, I’m always in tune to how things make me feel. Living in a city like Columbia , South Carolina means that I’m a novelty. The biggest pick up line that people use on me is “I’ve seen you all over” or “I always see you on campus but you’re in your own world.” Fair enough- getting noticed works in my advantage (hello this is a blog after all.) But there’s a difference between being noticed and being creeped on because I present myself a certain way.A-3119

Case in point- Early Friday afternoon I was in my car outside of Walgreens, about to get out when I noticed a bro in front of my car, desperately trying to get my attention and talk to me. I furiously shook my head NO while avoiding all eye contact, only to see said bro come to the side of my window to try and talk to me. My heart was racing as I tried to plan an escape- should I just jump out of my passenger side and run for cover in the haven that is Walgreens? Eventually he got the picture and left- but not before I walked past him with a look of rage on my face without making any eye contact while going into Walgreens.

Here’s the thing- I don’t mind a compliment. I don’t mind a smile. But feeling blatantly objectified and disrespected and honestly SCARED is never fun. I don’t know who’s psycho and who’s not. I’m not sure if this bro is gonna pull out a knife or gun if I reject him- so I have to be civil. Dressing with confidence, dressing for MYSELF, does not give anyone else permission to make me feel uncomfortable. That’s not how it works.

B-3121After taking to Facebook to complain about getting hit on, I of course had another semi-terrifying encounter that night while trying to buy some flowers at Publix. I was getting out of my car and saw someone in a flannel and five panel walking towards me, while I was walking in from the parking lot. After many “hellos” which I ignored as I was walking inside (into safety) this older man decided to tell me he moved here from San Diego and had never seen a punk chic in Columbia I didn’t know what to say. I was trying to be civil as I rushed to the nearest aisle of the grocery store, while he was still following me, and then he asked if he could walk with me. I gave him the dead in the eyes look before finally saying I wasn’t interested and walking away, to which he replied “damnnnn” as I strutted down the aisle to take refuge in the wine section. After I was done shopping, I rushed to my car and thought I was safe until I looked to the car next to me as I was about to back out and saw this same man NEXT TO MY WINDOW. I started to roll my window up and he begged me not to, telling me he wasn’t a creep or a weirdo, and that he had never seen anyone like me in Columbia. I said he was hanging in the wrong area and that I needed to go. He kept calling me “so damn beautiful” as I frantically whipped my car into reverse and left the store. F-3138

SO- what’s the point of these ridiculously long and unnecessary stories? These experiences, these encounters happen to women everywhere. Not all men are like this, but YES- all women go through this sort of thing. And as a white women I can only sympathize with my sisters of other ethnicities  and races who are objectified and discriminated on a level that I will never be able to fully comprehend. We can’t just scream F*** YOU because we’re scared of what will happen when we stand up for ourselves, and that in itself is terrifying. So what’s a girl to do? People tell me I look mean, or like a bitch- that I dress intimidatingly or scary. And you know why?! Because I don’t want people to mess with me!

One of the reasons I am so excited for this collab with Little Whip is because they stand for something I whole heartedly believe in- womanhood, unapologetic sexuality and power. By wearing pieces that are powerful and sensual I’m able to tap into both of those energies as I move through my day. Add to that the fact that this shirt is one of the softest things I own, and that I can pair it with pretty much anything and I’m hooked. Little Whip even has incredible pins like a whip (what else) and red lips. I’ll be blogging about those next week! But for now, I’m content pairing my cropped handcuff tee with some thigh high boots and an attitude that is unapologetic and confident. One that says- yes I love me but no, you don’t have to talk to me. Wearing something slightly “intimidating” means giving myself permission to worry and focus on myself- and not the creeps I have to keep away. So today, I am banishing the creeps. Thanks Little Whip.E-3135 D-3127 C-3124G-3147

Shirt:: LITTLE WHIP// Shorts:: Asos// Boots: Public Desire// Mesh and hat:: VintageH-3151

All photos by my incredible sister Alexandra Herstik, @alexyael .

Make sure to check out Little Whip’s amazing pieces HERE– AND don’t forget to check back next week for PART 2 of our collab.

The Breathing Fashion Guide to Being an Outsider

You never expected it to happen. The word itself never even crossed your mind. But one day, you wrap your mind around it like a sweater that’s been sitting at the bottom of your drawer for ages- one that never fit until just now. Outsider. It’s like a cloak has been lifted- a thin, gossamer veil shining opalescent in your peripheral vision for as long as you can remember. Suddenly there’s a name for the feeling and it’s found its way onto your flesh.

Step 1: Acknowledge It1-3091It only feels off at first. Like the balance has been shifted.  As soon as you see yourself from a perspective beyond your own, you have the power to change your situation. And the thing with being an outsider is that sometimes it doesn’t even feel like you don’t belong. Sometimes the way you perceive the nuances of life are just different- a slightly different tone or melody. A color shaded a little differently. A feeling worn a little bit heavier than those surrounding you. You coexist- but sometimes you feel like you’re living life on the other side of a veil, one that’s far less inhabited than the mortal realm.  No matter how far you wander, no matter how far removed you may feel, it’s okay. Taking time to figure out the way which you move through this world, no matter how different it may be from someone else, is all you need to exist inside your own reality.

2. Own It2-3093There will never be anyone else who sees the world from your view. There is no macrocosm without a microcosm.  You are just as important as everyone dwelling inside whatever perceived bubble you may see. And one of the things about living life looking in is that you have to remember there is no outside. There is no inside. There is no us versus them. There is just you. Talk to your demons. Learn what it is they’re strangling and grip hold of it and listen to the message it’s holding onto. The only way to live life askew is to do it on your own terms. Cast your fist up to the skies, and promise yourself that in spite of everything that has made you feel- compartmentalized or less than or not good enough- the only person you have to prove yourself to is you. If you already live life as an outsider, if you already feel different or absurd, then why wouldn’t you tackle the beast of your originality and wrestle it head on? Own it. Wear whatever you want. Listen to whatever you want. Do whatever you want. There is no one left to judge you.

Step 3: Let It Go3-3094One day you’ll get it. You’ll understand why you felt like you never had a place to fit into. You’re expected to conform to a singular mold. But you are vast. Infinite. You are oceans. Fluid- unable to decide on one way to see things. And one day you will realize- you are different. Like a cloud, you will float along in technicolor daydreams wearing your vintage hat and headscarf until the bubble you have submerged yourself in pops. And you’re back to your reality- one that doesn’t confine any spiritual experience to human terms. You feel like an outsider because you are made of stars and stardust. Let it go. You were never meant to feel human in this life.6-30994-30955-30977-3106Hat:: Sid & Nancy’s// Headscarf:: Strange Magick// Dress:: Urban Outfitters// Boots: H&M 8-3107All photos by amazing twin Alexandra Herstik.

Never be ashamed of who you are.

Saturday Style::: Slips and Stripes

Sometimes you just deserve to sleep until noon and wake up as your body is ready, starting your Saturday with a slow stretch. Today was that sort of day. I woke up, made myself some breakfast and took it easy, enjoying my afternoon before slipping into a slip, some stripes and my favorite Deandri O ring choker. It’s funny, as I get older I see my interests as a child reflected more and more into what I choose to wear. I have always loved Tim Burtin, Sweeney Todd has been one of my favorite movies since I saw it in theaters when I was 13, and now more than ever I see it. I wanted to wear this slip from Ivory and it wasn’t until I finished putting my outfit together that I saw just how much Mr. Burton has influenced me. Oh that and The Craft. I cut my hair above my shoulders and now I’m feeling especially Nancy. Sick.

Super easy outfit:: Lingerie. A little cropped tee. Some kind of cool necklace. Weird sunglasses. Fun socks and some chunky oxfords. Done, done and done. Extra points if you incorporate stars and stripes into your outfit. I love wearing lingerie as real clothing- with a little manipulation and a little creativity you can pretty much double your wardrobe. This slip is floor length and I just used some safety pins to hem it a little bit. No regrets! 1 2 3 6

Slip: Forgotten Feather Vintage//Shirt: Nordstrom// Purse: Zara // Socks: Hip Wa Zee// Shoes: Target// Choker: Deandri// Sunglasses: Dynamite

Wear something good today! It’s Saturday!
Cheers,
Gabriela

Renaissance Magick on a Monday

Life is for sharing.  It’s for community, and family and friends who may as well be family. It’s about having plenty and giving in abundance. It’s about sharing love and light and space with souls who sing at your frequency. We have walked this earth many times, but we were never meant to walk it alone. You are not meant to carry your sadness or hurt or pain by yourself. You are meant to hold it along with others who also hold part of your heart. Find humans who understand this and life will be much more joyful.5I am so overwhelmingly thankful for Ivory and my sister Alexandra for this reason- they know me and care for me when I’m upset or hurt. Most of the time, thankfully, we spend our weekends in the best of moods, eating brunch, drinking coffee and taking photos. Now that Ivory has moved into her new studio, this means even more time and space for photos. BUT- there’s still no time for chill because Indie South Fair is coming to Columbia THIS WEEKEND, April 9-10. This means::: vintage, handmade goods, coffee, tintype photographs, lots of good music and GRILLED CHEESE FOOD TRUCKS. There will be so much fun and festivity and talent and you won’t wanna miss it. I will be there helping Ivory sell her precious items and I cannot wait. Come visit and you too can be a little Renaissance faery.1 3 241110131297All items are (except these Topshop jeans) from Forgotten Feather, styled by Ivory and myself. 

Anyway- Come out to Indie South Fair this weekend at 701 Whaley from 10am to 6pm for lots of fun! You can find the event page HERE. PS- Come say HELLO!

Cheers,
Gabriela 

Manifesting Stillness

I have been learning to slow down. Or trying to. I have been trying to find time for stillness. For silence. For steadiness. I am learning to find a mirrors in others, to find how my impatience is a reminder to love the parts of myself that still have to be polished like a precious crystal. I have been trying to take some time to honor the parts of me that are so frustrating and fast and unwilling to be spoken with. I am trying to find time to listen to myself when I get frustrated or anxious or sad with people or myself.FJ5A6499_resize (3)I have spent some time the past couple of nights honoring myself. I’ve taken a bath, facetimed with friends, done yoga, relaxed and watched movies. I’ve incorporated some simple rituals into this – namely this one from The Numinous. I’ve typed some words and I’ve had some breakthroughs simply because I have given myself enough space from what I feel and what is expected. I am trying to take my hands off the wheel to believe in the easiest way possible. I am learning and harnessing the powers I have as a manifester and I am using them to create. But I am learning to listen to the moments between the breakthroughs and love all the inconsistencies about them that make me so frustrated. I am writing love poems to myself on a typewriter only to mess it up because I have so many words all at once that I cannot slow down my hands fast enough to stop. I am forgiving myself for never stopping but I am learning to find a happy medium anyway. FJ5A6465resizeFJ5A6511 (1)FJ5A6510_resize2All photos by my beautiful friend Bree Burchfield.love poemToday’s words on my beautiful typewriter. I am slowing down.