We all have our flaws. I’m obviously no exception, and I try to be transparent with that especially on here and social media. It’s so easy to pretend to be something to project a certain image into the world, just to feel accepted. I don’t like to be perceived differently on here than I do in real life- I want this blog to be like an open conversation (to whoever decides to read it) about my relationship with fashion and life. Today’s post is no different. One of the biggest problems I’ve had with enlightenment, so to speak, is envy. Being a twin, I grew up being compared to my sister a lot and I was never fully comfortable with who I was for a long time. Pair this with middle school, and a really long awkward phase, and there was a lot of self-criticism and envy of others for me until about two years ago. It has been only recently that I’ve started to drink Boy Tears. Even though I’m a lot more comfortable with who I am, and even though other peoples opinions don’t matter to me, I still find myself getting in the mindset of envy. This place is where comparison resides, something that for me exists in a really strange way.
I’m an Aquarius. I am naturally curious- I want to know about the inner workings of peoples brains and hearts, I want to know why the universe acts the way it does, and why things always happen in threes. I am also curated- I make my way through life with intention- both with my style and the way I present myself to the world, and the way that I move through it. I am constructed and I am careful- simply because I know what I like and it makes me feel good and I follow it. I’m constantly curating who I am because I’m constantly finding pieces of myself that fit. I am not simple- I think. I think a lot, something which gets exhausting but something which shapes the world around me more than anything else. I am not effortless- I am effortlessly myself because I’m shaping who I am but I am constantly analyzing. This even comes down with the way I decorate my room and my car and the little things in between. I strive to be surrounded and cloaked in things that resonate with me on a soul level. I choose- people, places and things that make me feel alive and I go there and only there. But this gets tiring. And I find myself envious of girls who move through life in a more effortless state. This envy tends to be one from afar, judging peoples lives from the outside looking in. I find myself envious of simplicity, of girls who are just cute and adorable with what seems like minimal effort. Regardless if this is true or not, one thing remains the same- this is my story, not theirs. I may put effort into who I am and surprise- that’s not something someone should be ashamed of! I think this sort of jealousy is a reminder that how other people live their lives is irrelevant to how I live my own-.
I am proud of who I am, of my own story. This is a reminder that sometimes it takes letting go and finding an inner sense of simplicity to really live and let live. That envy isn’t worth it and working on the way you view the world and shape your life is. This post is more of a reminder of myself, and to whoever else needs it, that life is only as hard as you make it.
Make it wonderful.